Saturday, 6 February 2016

The 5 Step Guide to 'Adult Friendships'

Being a student teacher, I've witnessed a fair few class discussions on 'what makes a good friend?'. However, our answers to this question now are bound to be different than the ones we gave during P3 Circle Time. Now that I'm approaching my twenties fast and furiously (which I love to remind you all because I feel oh so grown up, like bring me some brunch and book me in for a blow dry pronto), my expectations of friendships have changed. This is mainly because I'm at the beginning of my journey of entering in to the strange realm of 'adult friendships'.

For me this concept of grown up friendship means many different things. Long gone are the days where I needed to be surrounded by a swarm of girls 24/7 because omg it would be so totally embarrassing for 14 year old me to walk to the toilet alone, like why would you even suggest that? All of a sudden, the purpose of having friends has changed dramatically from just finding some people I sort of/kind of/almost get on with to sit with in the lunch hall. Naturally, that means the criteria and expectations for friendships change too, meaning it is so ok to be picky and don't let anyone tell you otherwise gurl. Recently, I've been thinking about what I look for in a friendship now that I'm a super duper, totally mature, coffee drinking adult. So I thought I would share with you what these mysterious grown up friendships look like to me.

1. Friendships are two way, none of this take but no give malarky. However, the beautiful thing about a two way friendship is that it doesn't have to be a constant 50/50 all the time. If you're going through a difficult patch you can take a little bit extra and give it back at a later date when you've got your life a little bit more in order, as long as it sort of evens out in the long run.

2. Gossiping and bitching are left in the playground. This is obviously way easier said than done and I think it'll probably be a working progress until the end of time (there's a good chance we'll all still be partial to a little gossip in our wheelchairs in our nursing homes) but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Remember babes: 'great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people.' (There's a really good chance Eleanor Roosevelt didn't even say that, let's be honest).

3. You don't have to see each other all the time. There's no denying that the older we get our schedules get busier, our responsibilities become greater and our energy levels deffo decrease (I need naps people!!) so being together constantly sometimes just isn't feasible. Mature friends understand this and definitely don't take it personally, in fact they're probably too busy napping to see you too.

4. Whether you like it or not, it's your job to be a non-judgemental ear armed with good advice and some fab one liners. There's nothing better than the friends you can spew out your inner thoughts to, who take a minute to take it all in and then give you the most honest (and occasionally brutal) response. I guess friendship is all about taking it in turns for one person to have a meltdown and the other to clean up the pieces over and over again in a vicious loop. If you both have your life together at the same time, savour the moment because it probably won't last long.

5. Your friends should always build you up. You should come away from spending time with your besties feeling like the funniest, most talented, 10/10 babe to have walked the Earth (followed closely by all of your friends of course) because a huge role of being a friend is to make all your gal pals feel good about themselves. Obviously don't fill them with hot air, gotta keep a gal grounded, but honest compliments never hurt and liking every selfie is essential. Your friends are your cheerleaders, go team.

I'm so thankful for the supportive friendships that have stayed with me from school and have formed since. As I've got older, my circle has become smaller but has also become shinier and way more special. Have your friendships changed as you've grown up? What are your besties' best qualities? Thanks for reading!


  1. Absolutely agree with this post. I've still got friends from when I was 13, but many of them have dropped off. I can honestly say that like you my friendship group is smaller, but shinier, and I much prefer it that way...

    Suitcase and Sandals Blog XX

    1. I'm the exact same, I think when you've been friends with someone for that long you know they'll always be in your life. Couldn't agree more! Xx

  2. Loved this post. As you get older, you realise it's very much quality over quantity in terms of friendships. And spending time on your own can also be pretty good for the soul. It may sound a bit harsh, but I do look a people in a much more critical way than I used to, and if I know that that 'click' isn't there, I just kind of let people go. It's far too exhausting trying to maintain lots of average friendships!

    Christina xxx

    1. Thanks so much! Yes definitely, I love spending time on my own a bit too much if I'm honest hahaha. It's not harsh at all, I couldn't agree more. When you grow up you really only have time to invest in the really special friendships. Xx

  3. I love this post, I have had similar ideas for a post. There's so much we realise as we grow up about friendships that I wish I knew growing up, I tried to revolve my life around the friends I met, what an idiot!

    Thanks for writing such a great post!

    Emmie ||

    1. Aw thank you! Yes definitely, don't worry I think we all fell in to that trap!! Glad you enjoyed it lovely. Xx


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Love Emma

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