Sunday, 28 February 2016

10 Times We've All Wanted to Kill our Boyfriend

This post has been scheduled for a while and it was due to go up last week at some point but that was until Blair and I had a few days of annoying each other more than usual, like seriously, can you please stop making weird noises in my ear and singing the same line from that Shawn Mendes song over and over again? It got to the point where this post wasn't even a joke anymore, it was real, and I seriously did want to kill him. So I thought it would be safer to just leave writing this until we weren't ready to strangle each other, so Blair didn't think I was actually being serious, because who wants to be that Taylor Swift-esque blogger girlfriend who writes bitchy posts in revenge for only getting to eat one Snack a Jack out the whole pack? Not me. As much as I love him to bits, there really are times when I want to stab him...affectionately...with a knife. I really hope I'm not alone in this, so here's 10 times we've all wanted to kill our boyfriend.

1. When practically everyone you know, including your third cousin and that weird guy you met on holiday in 2013, has liked your banging 10/10 selfie except your boyfriend, umm hello do you want me to re-upload that and tag you this time so you don't miss it?




2. When your boyfriend has the cheek to tell you you own too much make up. You of all people should know what's underneath the hundreds of pounds worth of crap on my face right now and therefore should understand how essential this actually all is.




3. When you put together a beaut outfit that you're super proud of and your boyfriend makes a comment about it that makes you vow to never wear it again and probs just burn it when you go home. A few personal faves of mine from Blair are 'you look like Tulisa', 'you look like you're going to play tennis' and 'you look like a bank robber'. Thanks babe.




4. When you're driving in the car and start to hear little tuts, sighs or worse - 'constructive criticism' from the passenger's seat. Umm my car, my rules, my questionable driving skills and for the record you can walk home now.




5. When certain bodily functions are no longer done in private and all of sudden he thinks it's acceptable to burp, or worse, in your general direction as a super hilarious (actually not funny in the slightest) 'joke'. Cover your mouth, leave the room, open the window and never do that again please and thanks.




6. When you're watching a movie and it's getting to a really good part when all of a sudden, out of nowhere comes this blaring, annoying noise which is in fact just your boyfriend watching some stupid video on Facebook. Are you really doing this right now?




7. When they're not cuddly but you are. Please come here and love me and play with my hair and feed me nice things.



8. When you're not cuddly but they are. Please get off me and stop crushing my limbs, I need space and I'm currently struggling to breathe.




9. When getting peace to just sit and do the toilet is just not an option. Look, I love you, you're great, but right now I just really want 5 minutes to do a wee whilst checking Instagram without you turning the light off and on, trying to unlock the door or attempting to have a conversation with me over the sound of the flush.




10. When they have trouble remembering that everything in a relationship is 50/50 so umm actually half of those nachos are mine...and that drink...and the meal you just ordered...and your ice cream. Joey might not share food, but you, my friend, do.




What are the things your boyfriend does that drive you crazy? Thanks for reading!


Ps, I did just want to write a little disclaimer to say that this post is totally tongue in cheek and just a lil joke before anyone starts thinking 'poor Blair, the bitch doesn't even let him burp, go on his phone or have a meal to himself. And Blair, if you're reading, I do actually quite like it when you talk to me through the toilet door, so please don't stop doing that.
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29 comments

  1. I absolutely love this post & can totally agree on some points! My boyfriend never lets me share his food and always tells me to order my own. Ummm, dont think so!

    Ella - ellapitt.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you!! Mine is the exact same, I love making him order something I like in restaurants so I can share half of mine and half of his, he hates it! Xx

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  2. I love this haha! The little noises from the passenger seat always get me! x

    www.shayholly.co.uk

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    1. Aw thank you! Don't even start me, so annoying haha!! Xx

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  3. My boyfriend can't do the car thing because he's not passed his test yet so I just remind him who has a full driving license and who doesn't!

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    1. That's so good, my boyfriend and I only passed 3 weeks apart so I wasn't able to do that for long!! Xx

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  4. Hahahaa this is hilarious! I can completely relate to the sharing food one... my boyfriend is so glad that I'm a vegetarian now because it means I can no longer take big bites out of his burgers :( x

    Polly Cat Contemplates

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    1. Haha thank you!! That's so funny, I bet mine wishes that was the case for me! Xx

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  5. hahah this post made me laugh so much!

    xo Sarah
    http://absolutelysarahx.blogspot.com

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  6. I love this. Giggled at the first point about the selfie and knew it was gonna be a good post. The selfie thing always bugged me haha "did you notice my new pic?" "yep" "oh alright, so you saw it and carried on without liking it then?!.....weird. Actually a little rude tbh" haha. xx

    Moany Mouse | Scottish Lifestyle Blog

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    1. Aww thank you!! Hahaha I relate to that so much "so did you not like it because you don't think it's a nice picture?" "no I just forgot, I'lll go like it now" "no don't bother, it's too late!!" Xx

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  7. Hahaha this post is quality!!! Can't live with them can't live without them! Sigh!

    www.lauralivinglife.com

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    1. Thank you, that's for sure!! Xx

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  8. Hahah love this!!
    Agree with all these points still after 5 years!
    Boyfriends hey, love em but they aren't half annoying at times!! X

    Alice X

    www.InTheEyeOfThis.co.uk

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    1. Thank you! Definitely, you deserve a medal!! Xx

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  9. Boyfriends are strange creatures! Sometimes I wonder why I spent the whole of my teens wanting one of these things!
    Jess @ www.juicyyyjesss.co.uk

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    1. Yes so true! I love them but hate them! The Blonde B

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    2. Hahaha yes, couldn't agree more!! Xx

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  10. Hahahaha this was so relatable! Especially the one about putting together a great outfit and your boyfriend not noticing haha! Great post :) x

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  11. I just burst out laughing in the office! This post is 100% true like OMG so true! hahaha So many times with the outfit and he lets rip one of his "jokey" comments so I go all Rachel on him and put my pijamas back on. Or with the make-up "oh have you already done your make-up?" ermmmm YES! And the "why are you taking your phone to the bathroom with you? The same reason you spend 45 minutes in there watching stupid videos on Youtube. haha Great post! I'm sharing :) The Blonde B

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    1. Hahaha soz about that!! Relate to all of those, so annoying! Thanks so much lovely. Xx

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  12. I LOVE this post, number 6 and 7 are particularly true!

    Lilies and Lipbalm
    xx

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  13. Haha this really made me laugh, along with the fact I am re-watching Miranda episodes. haha
    Just found your blog and having a good read :)
    Charlee
    Rose above the Thorns

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    1. Aww thank you, Miranda is the best!!! xx

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  14. Love this list. My husband has the cheek to complain about the money I spend on makeup when he has a pretty expensive comic book collection on the go. At least I wear my makeup everyday, all his comics are in storage!

    Roxie | The Beautiful Bluebird

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    1. Thank you! Hahaha that's such a valid point. Xx

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